Frustration

I had a bad day at work. The compressor didn't work until 2 o'clock this afternoon so we had to deal with a backup that doesn't keep half the pressure we need. Rather annoying. My review has been put off til I don't know when. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week.

I'm tired and I hate not knowing where I stand. With all the corrections I've needed from Sharla, I'm not sure if I'll even be able to work upstairs. And if that's the case, what's the point of staying there? I might as well work in an office again, I wouldn't be nearly so tired at the end of the day and I might make more money so I can get rid of my debt and moving to Oregon will be easier.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be ok, but there's always that lingering doubt. The doubt that I'm just not good enough. I was thinking about this earlier today while marking and cutting foam. Why do I have this need for constant approval? Why can't it be good enough? I know I'm not perfect, who is? But Why do I always have to ask if I'm doing ok, or doing something right?

Maybe it's because I've always wanted to be the person that people think of when they need something. Like, "only Cali can do this", "Cali is so talented that we need to find out what she thinks". It may be that need to be remembered. That what I gave and left behind is more than what I took.

I just hope that I can be that person.